What's the Difference?

Many of you have noticed that I haven't said much about my running lately. That's because I've really been struggling. And no one likes to blog about what a failure they are.

I've never liked distance running. Not even when I was young and in my athletic prime. I don't like it any better now, but I know it's a necessary evil. What I don't know is why I can run better/farther/faster on some days than others? What's different?

Is it something I am eating/not eating or drinking/not drinking? Is it the temperature? How about the humidity? Is it the route? It can't be the shoes.

Or is it because as I struggle to run three miles I'm thinking, "If three miles is this hard, what's ten going to be like? TEN. More than three times as far as this."

I did get a bit off track in late-August when I had to have some medical stuff done. I didn't quit, though. But when I resumed training, I was nowhere near being able to run for 29.5 minutes (my personal best, sad as that is). I think 15 straight was the most I achieved over the past few weeks.

Yesterday was a bad day for me. For whatever reason, I ate more for dinner than I have in weeks (2 large slices of pepperoni pizza and a salad). Then later, I ate a bowl of ice cream. I'd eaten ice cream the previous night, too.

So this morning, as I set out, I wasn't all that optimistic about my chances. But here's what I managed to do... run for 22 minutes, walk for 3 minutes, run for 3, walk for 2 and run for 1.

Was it all the extra carbs? I hope not! I can't make a habit of that. I'm only 8 ounces shy of my 30-pounds lost milestone.

Or was it the extra water I'd taken in? The cooler temperature (63 degrees and cloudy)? The fact that I ran a counter-clockwise instead of clockwise route? The fact that I avoided a couple key hills? Or is it because I'm not carrying that 10-mile monkey on my back, as my friend Kathy referred to it?

Unfortunately, you read right. I am not doing the Army Ten-Miler after all. Call me a loser. Go ahead. You can. I know it is disappointing. But I also know that 10 miles is just beyond me right now. If I liked running, maybe I could do it. Maybe. I don't know.

I do know I'm going to keep plugging away. It would be nice to be able to say, "I run three miles, three times a week." And I am still losing weight. My BMI is right on the edge of "normal" and "overweight."

It would make me even happier to say I have finally returned to normal.

Time will tell, I guess.